You can view the video that goes with this post here.
One of the biggest thrills for many in BDSM sessions and play is power exchange – the differentiation of the Dom and sub, the Superior and the inferior, the Master and the boy. There are many ways we do this – a collar, a Leathered Sir and naked slave, the language we use – Sir, Master, boy, slut, whore, faggot etc.
I always enjoy exploring this in sessions with something simple. Very much going back to basics to help focus the sub’s mind. Counting. It really is very simple, but surprisingly difficult for many to remember the requirements and protocols.
This of course lends itself perfectly to impact play, counting how many spanks or strokes etc. But can be applied to many other things too – time being the other obvious example. Such as holding a position or enduring an activity for a given period.
So, how to count? One, two, three and so forth is how people count. But that doesn’t mean much – it doesn’t help remind the sub of their position. They need to add one word after each number. Doing this shows an understanding of their place and why they are counting.
That word is of course, Sir.
So now the simple task of counting how many times you are spanked / flogged / paddled / touched has much more meaning to it.
“One Sir! Two Sir! Three Sir! Four Sir! Five Sir! Six Sir!”
The emphasis of how they say it is important – it must show understanding of submission and respect for the Dom. If the sub has been instructed to count a given number, or when the activity being counted has finished, they must also show the utmost respect for their Dom.
“One Sir! Two Sir! Three Sir! Thank you Sir!”
So straight away a simple activity, such as hands tied behind your back, blindfolded and counting each time you feel the light tap of maybe a gloved hand somewhere on your body becomes much more intense, much deeper and much more connected to the idea of bondage, domination and submission.
It is far from being a “heavy” activity, just very simple and one I often use to start a session with someone who hasn’t had any or much BDSM experience. It helps build the trust, very much a deep dive into the scene – and all we have is a simple blindfold, a pair of padded leather cuffs clipped together, and counting to ten.
I know some people who have gone on to become very experienced BDSM players and do very heavy scenes and enjoy many other aspects of play. But they still say the most emotionally intense and memorable scene has been this first simplest one.
That one gave them confidence; gave them such a positive experience they were hungry to explore more. So never feel that you need to do anything to an “extreme” for it to be real / proper / hard play. The simplest of scenarios can be the most intense / hard / extreme scene.
So that is how I like to start a sub / slaves training, a very simple gentle scene and basic instruction. Counting to ten.
But this counting protocol is one I expect them to remember! It will be used many times. Mostly for counting, but sometimes as a time-based instruction. For example, it may be clamps on nipples, weights hanging off balls, or holding a stress position. So, for this scenario, I would expect a slow consistent counting, followed by the “Thankyou Sir” at the end of the counting when the activity will end.
Now of course some boys are a bit cheeky or bratty and count far too quickly, so in that case, an adjustment is required to the instruction, extra respect. So now a count could become:
“Sir, one Sir! Sir, two Sir! Sir, three Sir! Sir, four Sir! Sir, five Sir! Sir, six Sir! Sir, thank you Sir!”
So suddenly the count is slowed down, it also becomes a very simple tongue twister too. If you try to say it too fast, you will most likely make a mistake. Miscounting or forgetting a Sir in the count. And what if the boy does make a mistake? The task and count must be restarted until it is completed accurately and completed properly!
Or perhaps it needs to be expanded further to teach them a lesson because the endurance will be much longer this time.
“Sir, one Sir! Thank you Sir! Sir, two Sir! Thank you Sir! Sir, three Sir! Thank you Sir!”
Now of course, because we are kinky perverts there are always ways of adding extra layers to the play and what we do.
So far, we have trained the boy to show appreciation for what is being done, but they don’t just need to appreciate it, to enjoy it. They need to want it, desire it, to crave it. And we can help train them to do that with three little words.
If we use a flogging scene, the boy has been told he will count out four strokes with a flogger. Nothing too heavy, just a warmup, and to see how this particular flogger feels for them. Before the flogging begins, I need to confirm they are ready for me to start. Are they in a comfortable position, and are they mentally focused and prepared? A simple question – “Ready boy?” But how should they respond? A perfect one I think is
“Hit me Sir!”
Three little words. And they achieve so much for us. First of all, they give confirmation they have understood what is expected of them and that they are ready to begin. It is also helping them understand and deepen their submission by asking to be hit by Sir. And that is also reinforcing that consent has been sought and given for the activity.
A small variation of this for those who wish to communicate they are happy to go harder / further. Or for those who we both know are pain pigs and crave it. When asked if the boy is ready, a response that is always exciting can be either of the following (the second works when we have done the scenario a few times)
“Hurt me Sir!” or “Harder Sir!”
And there where we have it, how the simplest of activities can add such a strong and deep meaning to our play and exploration.
Hopefully, something to think about to add to your own scenes. Or if you want to try out some kinky play for the first time why not book in for an hour and I can teach you how to count.